I´ve dreamt of this specific moment. I am at the finish line, only meters away from my goal. My hand is stretched out towards it. I snatched the ribbon with my hand, as i crossed the yellow line. Well, I am living that VERY moment right now. For the past two weeks, I can actually see my goal; with my hand reached out. However, unlike my dream, I tripped over a depression in the road. Once i dust off my knees, and clean up the bruises...I´ll continue from where I am. However, time doesnt stop when we stumble. I really cant afford to be depressed right now. I have deadlines and promises to keep.
First of err´thang, I hate disappointing myself. It´s such a disgusting feeling bc I loose a little respect for myself, for that moment. Then I end up doing something redeemable to kill the guilt. It´s such a vicious cycle. So I am caught between taking, yet another Mental Health Day or Go To Work. The dilemma of the Self Employed.
I took a brief walk to brush off the blues. Get the blood flowing to get a little work done. Once I returned, the urge to crawl into bed draped over me again, like a wet blanket. Sleeping helps me escape from feeling anything. Plus, being sad is extremely exhausting. As tempting as it was, someone needs to pay for my rent, diamonds, and teddy bears. I cant afford to be depressed. So I did what any logical, responsible, adult female would do.....and crawled into bed.
Let me say, I am not suffering from clinical depression. So please dont be concern, my Luvz. We all experience Life trauma that knocks us down for a moment. Then we get back up. Sometimes gradually. Thats where I am at the moment. I am feeling this sadness pretty hard. But I have no choice but to keep-it-pushing, due to deadlines.So I am semi working thru the day.
The moral of the story: I Cant afford Depression and Diamonds. So I crawled out the bed and started working...
Who else can relate to fighting between Staying Home and going to work?