How to trust others Prt 2- How to understand your worth
The first step in learning how to trust after being hurt, is to learn to trust ourselves first. If we don’t trust ourselves and know our worth, we look for external resources to dictate our value. But we must be the one to dictate our worth. So how Do we figure out our worth?
I believe it’s a legit question because We are encouraged to “know our worth“. But rarely is that advice followed with detailed steps on how to do it. That’s because there is no set protocol. But I do know two things for sure: healing is not lineage, and it takes time to manage PTSD. So we must be patient with ourselves. In this blog, I will share my process, and how it has elevated my life. But if you have your own tried-and-true pointers, please share in the comments. I am always open to new ways that can improve my healing.
I read a lot of self-help books; watched a lot of TED talks; and listen to much needed advice from therapists. All of it basically said the same thing, “you must know yourself first“.
How much do you know yourself? How much time do you spend on your passions and goals? Is self-care a necessity for you? Are you maintaining your spiritual, physical, and mental health? My answer to these questions was the key to understanding my value. So I decided to create a morning routine, dedicated to Me.
Moxie’s Morning Routine
I LOVE my mornings. It took months of trial and error took perfect it. And now I LIVE for my mornings.
Before the world wakes up. Before I check any social media; before I turn on my phone… The first of each day belongs to me.
Start my coffee
Turn on jazz
Light some incense
Face Cleansing Ritual/Shower
Enjoy my coffee on the porch
Write top 10 things I am thankful for*
Write my ultimate goals in life
Make my to do list for the day
Listen to a couple of my favourite podcasts.
Ready to start the day ☺️
It sounds like a lovely morning, yes? Well it took me months to enjoy and appreciate it. For the longest, I was riddled with guilt for indulging and enjoying myself. It seemed quite narcissistic. But I couldn’t deny the great results happening in my life. I became more comfortable in my skin. As Beyoncé said “Comfortable in my skin. Comfortable with who I am. Cozy. “
The start of my journey was painful, and extremely hard mental work. But being more cozy with who I am makes it easier to drop the false beliefs I was taught about myself. The lies began to no longer fit in my life. They simply didnt make sense, the more I traveled down my journey. For example, I was ALWAYS called haughty because I didnt fit into the cult´s bland fashion-blindly follow IMPERFECT men- never question the teachings lifestyle. Theres evidence of unreported child molestation within the cult...but they critisized me for having long nails, and going to karaoke. LOL (I too was a victim. But it was never reported to the police).The BIGGEST lie that kept me mentally imprisoned until a few years ago... God doesnt love me, and will destroy me for leaving the cult.
Can you imagine the mental damage that I endured from being told god would destroy me for not remaining in a sexually abusive, infested cult, and that god doesnt love me??? NO, you can´t. But that was the struggle i was up against. But Fast forward to today, I FUKN LOVE MYSELF!
As mentioned before, I ABSOLUTELY enjoy my morning routines. My life is more romaticized. My self esteem is out the roof. And most of all, I have gradually began to trust people again. Loving myself has giving me the courage to invite more people into my life. Yes, there is always a possibility that I will be hurt again. But now I am confident, and strong enough to know that I WILL BE OKAY, if relationships work out. I will no longer internalize the negativity, and allow it to erode my self esteem.
Of course, there will be a period of sadness that we all go through when we loose someone we love. But that period NO LONGER includes doubting my self worth. I found that "doubting my self worth" is the WORSE part of being hurt by others. I used to wonder what was wrong with me, and why I a not worthy of love. Now I understand that shit happens. And it doesn´t add nor take away from who I am. Even more importantly, learning to love myself has changed the type of people that i allow in my life. Every once in a while, an "unworthy" may seep thru the cracks. But in general, I choose a more worthy, qualified people to enter. When you believe you deserve better, you choose better. You do better. You ARE better.
Of course, knowing our worth is only part of the battle towards the journey of "learning how to trust again". Another part is understanding others, which I will cover in my next blog. In the meantime, i would like to get your opinion. And if you have made it to the end of this blog....THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading.