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Calm thru the chaos

I am not sure if this blog should go under "cult survivor" or "Moxie in Moscow" or "Music".....because it encompasses all of them. How are you, Foxies? Let me know which category this blog falls into in your opinion.

When my behind-the-scenes videographer showed me this clip, I laughed so hard at the scene: Several men are frantically preparing for our Live-Radio-Session, as they spoke in Russian....I remained calm. Sasha was trying to explain how he wanted to play the song. The more stressed or excited he becomes, the more mistakes he make when speaking English. So, I zoned out. My friends, I am NOT exaggerating when I say that I heard nothing going on around me, in that moment.

Zoning out is a survival mechanism I obtained in my past life, to help me deal with traumatic situations. The more traumatic the situation, the more I would zone out to the point of "leaving my body". There have been times that I stood beside myself, and watched my body go thru distress. The only way i could mentally endure was to become numb. So I zone out, leave my body. For survival, this technique is okay. But as a life- tool, it's not healthy for me. In life, it's better to deal with situations, instead of putting my head in the sand. Escaping the cult gave me control of my life. And I no longer had to endure anything against my will. But i digress.

Cut to today, I no longer leave my body, so i believed I was fully recovered. But seeing this video showed me residuals still remain. During the chaotic moment, while everyone was frantically scurrying before our radio session, I automatically zoned out. I didnt understand what was happening...nor the Russian language or Sasha's broken English..."BYE!" is what my mind said, and exited the building. LMAO!

I am still learning how to stabilize my reactions in times of stress. Though i shouldnt adopt the frantic energy surrounding me, I need to live in the moment. I should engage, and be apart of it...unless I am bored. LOL. Stay Foxy!!


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