ride the high

I often find myself caught between oversharing and not sharing enough. I want to be open about my struggles, particularly with depression. But the highs and lows are so frequent. It's exhausting trying to always remain positive. I don't mean the fake positivity where you plaster a smile on your face while feeling broken inside. I mean the kind of positivity where you try to convince yourself that everything is okay and that you can handle it. However, there comes a point where you become weary of fighting for the dreams and life you're meant to have.

I am supposed to lead a life of empowerment and spread love through music, traveling the world. And that's exactly what I do. But not many people can relate to that, and it gets lonely. Most of my friends have families. I have frequent flyer miles and a passport. It's a very rewarding life, but it's a lonely one.

I have very few close friends, so when those relationships are in turmoil, my world is greatly affected. It's hard to go on each day keeping myself mentally balanced. I wear all the hats, so I can only allow myself to entertain my depressed feelings for fear of spiraling out of control, with no one there to save me.

Honestly, I had no real purpose for this blog, but just to vent, I guess. I can't be the only one out here feeling so alone in a world full of people paying attention to you. Some days are better than others, and on those days, I ride the high for as long as I can because I know the dark days are just around the corner.