I tried my first puff at the age of 32. Before that, the strongest drug i've had was an Apple Martini. I didnt even drink coffee...but I digress. Though it was legal in California, the cult was very against it at the time. But once the government said it could be used for medicinal purposes, the cult's rules soften a little. If one did partake for medicinal purposes, one should not freely discuss it among the congregation. Meanwhile, you can find a drunk elder at Applebees, enjoying his after- Sunday- meeting- family-dinner.
"I am not sure I want to try it." I said to my doctor. Though my cult life was years behind me, it was hard to shake the mental conditioning that came with it. The moral code was especially hard for me. Even though marijuana was legal, I felt it was defiling the body. I thought it was worse than alcohol because it was supposedly t"he gateway to harder drugs". All i could imagine was me sitting on Skid Row, waiting for another blunt. After several visits with my doctor, I finally decided to fill my prescription. The clinic gave me an option of edibles and smokes. The brownie seemed less intimidating at the time.
NO ONE TOLD ME NOT TO EAT THE WHOLE BROWNIE. Is it not normal for people to eat an entire brownie in one sitting? With that being said...shouldn't there be a label on the edibles to warning that it should be consumed in small portions? I was living alone, with no friends nor associates to call. All I could do is lie frozen on the sofa. My thumb was the only thing I could move. I kept changing the channel to let myself know that I was still alive.
My entire body was numb. Then the paranoia kicked in...what if this is how I am going to die; this is my punishment for turning against god; if i survive, it will make me addicted to crack..etc.
I kept a steady focus on my breathing, while clicking the remote. The next thing I know, I'M hearing the birds chirping. I slowly opened my eyes to the California sun gently beaming in my living room window. The television was off, but i was very much alive. I sat up, and took a beautiful deep breath of life. It was the best sleep I had sense leaving the cult. My anxiety, nightmares, depression gradually subsided over the years, as I continued my use.
My lifestyle improved by 85%, a fact calculated between my therapist and myself. Unlike the man made drugs, there are no horrible side effects from smoking weed. At one point, I was on an anti depressant called Zoloft, and it was actually causing suicidal thoughts and depression. Years later, studies would show the dangers of Zoloft. Man made medicine, the cult doesn't question. Alcohol doesn't make them blink any eye. But Natural medicine, and your entire life is placed under their microscope of scrutiny.
This was my introduction to independent thinking. I began to wonder if their teachings could possibly be wrong, also. I left because I couldnt live up to god's standards, and i was unworthy. But if some of their teachings are false, maybe it wasn't wrong for me to leave. I immediately cut down on my alcohol intake, and my life improved instantly. If I drink just two drinks at night, it will effect the quality of my sleep. And I won't have a full work out the next morning. With Mary Jane...the total opposite for me. Great sleep Great Mood. Great Morning workout.
The organization bombards the members with so many publications to read, there is no time for studying outside resources. The world's publications are full of false information and deceit, and will mislead from god. But I now had a desire to learn more about this world that was so evil in the eyes of the cult. Reading filled my mind with fascination. And thru those words, I found my desire to travel
The rest was history. Happy 420